Ease & Grace
How easy can it really be? How graceful can you float through this life? Your thinking mind would certainly have you believe otherwise as the virus of the ego digs its heels in. But as you walk this path, you will naturally move through different levels of awareness and relationship to the concept of ease and grace. Initially, you may be in a place of desperation when the initiation for spiritual pursuit dawns on you. I would love to say the desperation and despair is not necessary, and for some it may not be, but without some humbling inner experience, you would rarely choose to sacrifice the addictive delights of the ego despite their unfulfilling nature. One you are able to move past the point of initiation and access glimpses into the possibilities for health and healing, the ego may sneak back in to trick you that you “achieved” something and, therefore, must “work hard” to retain it and continue improving. It may take credit for crawling out of the darkness when really it was your intention and your awareness of a deeper source of wisdom guiding you forth, like a wave you suddenly found yourself on carrying you to shore. Eventually, if your intention is pure and commitment true, you will be met with a greater awareness of the rhythm of the universe as it shines a spotlight on the illusion of the ego’s perceived controls.
Personally, my journey has looked quite like this example thus far. Out of desperation, I began opening to healing opportunities my mind could literally not see prior and was not willing to see for fear of vulnerable exposure. The ego was holding on so tight to the need for protection that I was convinced I must do things alone, in hiding, and my suffering was locked in place as a result. Through the rhythm and timing of the universe, my awareness expanded enough to see a new array of choices in front of me accompanied by a renewed sense of readiness. As the cycles of pain and hopelessness ran their course, a deeper awareness eventually grew fed up and was open to change. The voices of my loved ones started to make their way in and I began to listen and heed their calls. From this intention, support arrived in the form of healing opportunities that I was now ready for. In a place of desperation, hope itself can feel scary after the roller coaster of so many prior failed attempts at lasting change. However, once the walls begin to crack and the light pours in, a powerful source of motivation arises deep from within and the wave of life source energy itself is revealed.
As you first begin to see glimmers of light, hopefulness dances and sparkles before you and there is immense gratitude and awe for what your life can actually be, as well as relief for what proves to be temporary. However, what may happen, as it did for me, is that the ego will subtly slip back in and say, “Now that you have seen the light, you must work for it.” It is true that much of your life may need to change as the habits, behaviors, substances, thoughts, emotions, people, places, and things keeping you stuck will no longer be welcome on the journey you are embarking on, but the idea of “work” is very misunderstood, especially by the ego. You may be guided to take action for yourself in many ways, though this does not require the stress that the thinking mind is wired to believe. You are less in control of such happenings than you think. All you have really done thus far is say “Yes” with intention and the universe has taken care of the rest. You may be convinced you are the “doer” because you changed your diet and your habits and made other visible changes, but what led you to those changes? What gave you the courage to do so now? What allowed you to see what has always been right in front of you? You are the witness to your life and with awareness you can direct your intention. From there, Spirit takes over and you ride the wave. If you resist, you will suffer. If you attempt to control the path, where it goes and how long it takes, you will suffer. I do believe in free will, but the freedom lies firmly in the choice to resist or surrender. The more you let go, the more you will begin to see how magical life can be and how all is provided. The more you choose to “work” and stress, the more you will reinforce the limiting beliefs that it is required.
You are not the cause of your healing just like you were not the cause of your suffering. The language gets messy at this point so if you feel confused by the words, just let them wash over you like waves. No need to decipher the exact meanings, it will become clear in time. At the level of awareness, you have the capacity to witness and direct your mind. When you notice the mind getting caught up in old tricks of stress, limitation, fear, and judgment, you can choose to surrender. You can choose to listen to what the heart is carrying instead, thereby discovering newfound opportunities arising first within and then without. Remember the inner creates the outer, so when you are ready to see, or rather feel, the vision for your life unfold, it will happen. You do not need to know exactly what will happen, you only need to consider the possibilities. Manifestation is not making something to look exactly like the picture in your mind, but using such pictures to allow for what is meant to show up.
On the surface, you may perceive various new opportunities arising for healing, such as a different type of practitioner or modality or medicine, while on an energetic level you have simply expanded your awareness enough to see it, welcome it in, and integrate it into your being. While you were suffering, those opportunities were still present but hiding out in the light while you were trapped in the dark. As you are gently guided to the light, you slowly release attachment to the ego’s demands and allow space for your true essence to shine forth. Suddenly, the sky brightens and there are books and podcasts and people that show up in your life to educate the mind, heal the body, and take aligned action. Two years ago, the possibility that I would be pain-free, often eating one meal a day, plant-based, and living on the West Coast would not have been visible to me. As you take steps toward a brave, new vision, each obstacle represents a limiting belief ready to be released.
The challenge for most of us is to see that you are not the “doer” in this. The trap is laid well for the ego since as you begin to heal you may feel validated and want to take credit for all of your hard work. Others may not understand at first but they may come to applaud you for pulling yourself out of the dark. You deserve the applause because you are worthy and you have said “Yes” with intention to the healing path. However, the specifics of what needed to be called in or which opportunities arose was never truly in your hands. Therefore, when the ego mind inevitably attempts to take over and convince you that further “hard work” is needed, I invite you to practice once again releasing attachment to this illusion. Just like you were able to let go in your lowest moments and surrender your journey to Spirit, you may now continue to let go and surrender, only this time out of love.
Success in various forms may unknowingly invite the ego back in to play pretend controller for your life. Abundance may flow and the ego will gleefully step in and say, “I did that!” Practice coming back to the heart space where you will find ease, grace, and gratitude for all that is provided for you. All that is asked of you is the intention, the “Yes,” and the courage to see beyond current circumstances. From there, allow your guides, your burgeoning intuition, your expanded awareness, and Spirit itself to lead the way. The old way of doing things, of wrestling with your thinking mind and all its doubts to come to the “right” decision is no longer valid for you nor is it welcome at expanded levels of consciousness.
With dedication and practice, you will grow clear and confident in the natural flow of any situation that arises, never again giving your power away to the stress and doubt of needing to “figure things out.” Until then, enter each situation as it unfolds with as much grace as you can muster and remind yourself that this, too, is an offering and a medicine from Spirit in disguise. Even the disappointments, the perceived failures, and the things that did not work out as they had in your head are all opportunities and lessons for you to heal and ready yourself for what comes next. The uncertainties, twists, and turns are actually celebrated in the spiritual realm. Though they appear to last forever in linear time, they are but a blip on the scale of your awakening. In fact, your circumstances are not really changing, it is you that is expanding to see your true nature. While I was on the road with no destination in sight, I often felt deeply lost, vulnerable, and frightened at what I was really allowing to to guide me forth. But I knew in my heart of hearts there was no other option. I chose to surrender and continue on despite the clouded vision and limiting beliefs mirroring my current circumstances. Only later could I realize that such deep levels of surrender alongside the fear was necessary for the conviction to emerge. If I could have faith that I would be guided to find a place to sleep that night or that my car would not run out of gas or that all my belongings would be safe and that I would eventually be provided a home, I could have faith that all other perceived issues would resolve as well. When I could see that my body really could heal, I had faith that my mind could as well. One experience of conviction leads to another until you do not require any further miracles to convince you of the truth, all is provided.
Though the current circumstances of your life may look troubling, have faith that just below the surface your awareness is expanding and the spiritual realm is celebrating you. External rewards are nice as they support your conviction, but the true reward emerges when you discover it can all unfold with ease and grace beyond your wildest dreams.