A Long Journey Home

In 2011, my life changed and the Universe set me on a path I could only see in faraway dreams. But before my greatest dreams manifested, my worst nightmares appeared real. I fell ill and did not recover. The onset felt like I had the flu every single day but was deeper than that. My whole body seemed to be shutting down. I could not sleep nor could I function awake, my brain felt offline. Unable to think or to cry, the pain and fatigue felt like being lost in the undercurrent of a giant wave with no understanding of the overwhelming forces swirling around me and within me. I was panicked, despairing, and in anguish. After a spree of appointments searching for answers from the traditional medical community, I was diagnosed with “chronic fatigue syndrome,” a label used when others cannot be found. Did I have every symptom listed for this condition? Yes. Did it provide answers to my search? No. I tried everything the traditional medical and psychological communities had to offer: medications, psychotherapy, nutrition and diet, rigorous exercise, and much, much more. I sought out healers far and wide across the landscape of traditional and alternative practices. I desperately wished for answers to my suffering and went many nights, months, and years wondering if they would ever come.

I sought all sorts of external energy boosts and pain relief to stimulate me or get me through the day, but not until I was able to recognize the powerful energy lying dormant inside me - the kundalini life force - was my journey able to take shape. My mind body experience was a representation of the emotional stuckness and deeply limiting beliefs I held about myself, others, and the world - the doubt and fear conditioning otherwise known as trauma - and the energetic life source of my being that was held hostage as a result.

Throughout my journey, I took bits and pieces from the powerful healers I encountered across the spectrum of science and spiritual knowing. As a grad student in clinical psychology, I began to learn what these symptoms were and what they were not. I had always known that a label like “CFS” could not begin to touch or define what was wrong with me, but I could not yet trust myself or anyone else enough to find conviction in such an idea. My intuition had not yet received permission to awaken. The pain felt connected to everything I had ever suffered from in my life. It was physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual suffering. Not until I was able to access the guidance to truly learn about my nervous system’s wiring for constant danger and threat, and my brain’s learned neuropathways for pain signals, was I able to create the foundation for what my life would become.

From a “trauma-based” perspective, I began to learn about the ancestry and epigenetic of my family and of my own conditioned nervous system, expressing a very fragmented and tortured sense of self. I began recognizing a deeper truth of who and what I am while finding safety in this expanded awareness of my mind-body experience. Most of all, I needed conviction that my “symptoms” were not due to some incurable, biological ailment, and that I was not broken nor did I need to be fixed. Once these beliefs shifted, I could begin to understand the pain beneath the pain.

Like emotional scar tissue, I had built up years of protection against deep roots of fear and shame, resulting in an onslaught of negative emotion states and a chronically low energetic frequency. Such a toxic stew of emotion energy attracted circumstances that only reinforced the debilitating belief systems I was living with and prevented the opportunity to inquire into, be with, and move through the emotions in the way that was needed. I had been unable to relate to my emotions in a way that did not blame, shame, or punish myself for such perceived weaknesses. The physical ailments were both a message and a protection from my brain. The message was that my emotions were not being fully welcomed or acknowledged and, therefore, I was not being fully welcomed or acknowledged into this world. My brain viewed these emotional experiences as so dangerous that it manifested the ailments in an attempt to protect me from my vulnerabilities. However, these vulnerabilities make us who we are and, if we listen, these great wounds become our great strengths and guide us to honor our whole truth and pursue the full potential of our life on this earth. I learned the hard way that they must be acknowledged. I would have preferred a hand-written letter, but I likely would not have read it!

The journey did not end there. As I began to navigate this edges of this mind body world, a new world began to open, one that made even less sense to me or anyone else around me at the time - the world of SPIRIT. At this point, I began to collect puzzle pieces from an even wider away of informational and experiential sources and form my own puzzle. This puzzle could not be formed solely in the mind but had to involve the universal intelligence of the body. And as this part of me awakened, a deeper knowing than I had ever experienced before began to guide me home. To this day, I am still being led home by this “higher” or “deeper” guidance. The guidance surrounds me and envelops me, it is more expanded than my mind, more intense than any emotion, and deeper than any physical sensation. It is the guidance of my SOUL.

From there, insights, downloads, full body upgrades, psychic abilities, and much, much more began to come online. I left my purely clinical identity and allowed the true expansion and integration of my personal and professional self to unfold. But more than all of that, the wall that hid my heart and all its love from the world and, most of all, from myself, began to dissolve leading me to a deeper connection with myself, others, the collective, and SPIRIT. I began to feel whole within myself and trust the path of awakening to a Self that was always there waiting to be discovered.

Your journey may already look like mine, but it does not have to stay that way. I consolidated the most vital information from my training and personal experience as well as allowed the deep intuitive wisdom that guides me forth to become my highest authority. I continue to honor the karmic lineages of trauma stored in the energetic body to ready in divine timing but also know I am already whole. I am a soul here on a reconnaissance mission to deliver the guidance I know from other lives, other realms, other dimensions and densities of Light Source Consciousness, from the Pleiades - my true home. And most of all, I am here to GET FREE and support you in doing the same.

Once you create space for all that has been blocking access to who you truly are and who you are meant to be, you will no longer be limited by the belief systems, emotion states, and nervous system wiring pervading your view and dictating your mind body experience. You emotions can change, your beliefs can change, and your nervous system can literally upgrade and rewire itself. The years of symptoms and labels you have received, which may have felt comforting in their clarity at first but later become forms of imprisonment, are merely a communication of your present state, and it is time to listen to the very important message coming to you now. It is time to change your life.

Once I moved beyond the pain, I was able to access spaces of joy, freedom, intuitive knowing, and power within myself I did not know were possible. We are our own greatest healers, we just need guidance to see the healing power within us. Just like the flower that grows naturally toward the sun, there is a natural intelligence in the body that grows toward healing, if we can only remove the blockages in our way – the shadows keeping us from the light.

This is my life’s work joy – my gift to you.