Intuition - Learning to Trust
When I was young, my fearfulness took many forms, including that of intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. One of the core issues my thoughts and behaviors were attempting to solve was the fear of what was going to happen to me. I had no trust in myself or others to assuage the fears so my brain relied on superstitious acts to answer such terrifying unknowns. This was the best way my brain knew to survive the fear. As I got older, I learned different ways of coping with fear, but not until I began the process of trusting myself could I learn how to be with and move through the fear.
Early life experiences and the transmission of unresolved conflicts from our caregivers often get in the way and create blockages to trust that carry through adulthood. Children may be expected to trust others, but rarely are they allowed to trust themselves. Rather than learn to align with the truth of their being, children learn to follow the law, order, and manners of society, which is a manifestation of the collective need for control. Most cultures do not honor the natural intelligence of children and it is up to them - you - to journey inward and reconnect with the source of their innate wisdom: intuition.
Intuition is a word that often results in scoffs, eye rolls, or general confusion from those not open to ways of knowing outside traditional Western medicine, or those with no sense of meaning beyond what their eyes can see. However, those same individuals may not roll their eyes at the notion of trust. Intuition is the process of learning to trust your self. Not your thinking mind, not your learned emotion states, and not your shaped beliefs, but a source of knowing you were born with that knows the truth of who you are and never betrays you. Intuition is the source of your highest intention for life - your purpose - and due to a myriad of life experiences, stuck emotions, and beliefs about yourself, you may be cut off from what it is you really want out of life. You may heavily doubt this source exists at all. But where do ideas come from? Where does creativity come from? Is it just a random firing of neurons in the brain that produces brilliance and beauty by sheer accident? Is it just a collection of thoughts absorbed from others? I think not. You have a source of intelligence that cannot be defined by the thoughts racing through your mind or the neurons firing in your brain. It is a deeper source that can be cultivated with practice until you are able to stand with clarity and conviction in your truth.
After years of not being listened to, my intuition was covered over with layers of doubt, guilt, blame, and shame, but I began to exercise and restore it like a muscle. The mistrust that covered up this deeper source of knowing was the same mistrust that maintained my chronic suffering. The healing process stems from learning to trust that you are not broken and, in fact, you never were. You are an energetic being with a source of truth and knowledge beyond what you think you have learned in this life. So begin to honor this part of you by asking your self questions, waiting for an answer, and going with it as I did and continue to do. Being to surrender to this process. It will feel uncomfortable at first, and doubt and frustration will show up, but do not despair. This undernourished part of you has been waiting to guide you all along. So keep going, keep asking, and keep watering your intuition until it grows bright like the sun.