Say “Yes”

Most of my life I said, “No.” I said, “No,” to my parents, to my teachers, to my coaches.. most authority figures in general. I said, “No,” to certain clothing, “No” to school, and “No” to life. I was not too cool for these things, I was just terrified and having a near constant inner experience of fear I could not explain. Saying “No” was my brain’s protection against the world, yet the perceived danger was within. My mind manifested an abundant fantasy life to represent freedom from the chains of my environment and the structures I felt trapped within. But the most powerful chains were the ones I carried with me. The limiting beliefs, intense emotion states, and negative thought patterns that dominated my life were what I said “Yes” to. This was all I knew, and though a deeper part of me knew the truth - that these aspects of my experience were not me - I could not help but be led by them.

My family wanted to support me and ease my suffering, but they did not have the tools to bring safety to my experience. My mother would often sit with me through tantrums or crippling stomach aches offering the power of her presence, which was important, but their resources were limited beyond their compassion. I would overdose on sugar and other foods that provided temporary relief, but it only contributed to the sickness and pain. Later in life, I began to say “Yes” to drugs that could produce the sense of freedom I desired. The drugs opened a door, but quickly pulled it shut as dependency on these external sources could only bring me so far before crashing me deeper into feelings of despair, anxiety, and isolation.

I said, “No,” to any opportunity to be with or move through the fear. My father introduced me to Buddhist philosophy and meditation at an early age, but this was not yet accessible to my disorganized and dysregulated nervous system. Attempting to sit in stillness led to an onslaught of thoughts and physical discomfort I was not prepared to be with. Only when my body forcibly pulled me into the deepest states of sickness and fatigue was I desperate enough to begin saying “No” to the external sources of escape I had relied on. I said “Yes” to things like exercise, cleaner foods, writing, and breathwork. Yet, the powerful belief energy of “not enough” pervaded my view. Even as I did objectively good things for my body and mind, I could not seem to access or escape the generator - the energy source - of my limiting beliefs. On a deeper level, I still needed to say, “Yes,” to my truth as a healer and to the path of healing.

I said, “Yes,” to therapy and to a career as a clinical psychologist. As I navigated the world of psychology, what was first a system of healing soon became a system of trapping that could not meet all my needs. My supervisors and peers put psychological knowledge on a pedestal, which limited my ability to seek outside its walls. While I continued to learn and grow in one area, my soul was unable to align with the more spiritual aspects of my journey. Within the Western psychology paradigm, I said, “No,” to alternative healing opportunities and saw them as fool’s gold compared to the more accepted path of diagnostic treatment. I had reached another plateau in my healing and considered that further inspiration, joy, and freedom might be reserved only for the privileged few to be born with such qualities.

At a point of desperation, I said, “Yes,” to the energy healers my mother was attracting, including clairvoyants, mediums, intuitives, and shamans. I discovered intuitive and body-based therapies that received guidance directly from my nervous system. I was skeptical, but I began having visceral, energetic experiences in my body. I began to recognize that the sensitivities I grew up with were not just sources of great pain but of great power. Though I had learned much about how to regulate my emotional experiences, I had not yet recognized the true purpose and potential of my sensitive and intuitive being until I opened these spiritual doors. As I began to see more ebb and flow in my Mind Body Experience, I gained more conviction that I could heal. I inched closer and closer to saying “Yes” to the truth of my purpose - to push beyond the boundaries of traditional healing systems and chart my own path. Once I said, “Yes,” to the fears, they were no longer fears but invitations to transform.

I continue to receive invitations to transform and I dance with them now. They no longer make me suffer as they once did because they no longer dictate my experience, they merely invite me to grow. If pain or fatigue sensations emerge, I know they are a manifestation of old beliefs and emotions in my nervous system showing up to be upgraded and released. With each invitation to upgrade, I move closer to my truth and I experience immense gratitude, joy, and inspiration as a result. When I say, “Yes,” to life, life is no longer a problem I solve, but a song I dance to. With each “Yes” comes the opportunity to move through the limiting beliefs that created the “No” in the first place. You, too, can accept the invitation to transform. You only need courage - all that you can muster - to say “Yes” to what is rising up within you and to recognize the layers of your brain’s protections that no longer serve you. The chains you perceive in your environment are no match for the chains you have been carrying all along. Recognize that you are not just a brain and body, you are an energetic being with a purpose on this planet. You are a great manifester and your soul is crying out for you to begin manifesting the life you were meant to live. The suffering you experience is the communication that the structures you remain trapped within, the expectations others have of you, and the lifestyle choices you make have not supported your highest vision or intention for this life. Say “Yes” to the potential within you and watch the world say “Yes” in return.