A Guide Through Sadness
Sadness and grief are primary emotions often present underneath a Mind Body Experience. You may notice more darkness, heaviness, and fatigue in the body and mind when sadness is present. The delicate dance you must do to be with sadness involves welcoming this learned part of you in, while also bolstering yourself enough to ride the wave without sinking into despair. Sadness has a way of pulling you down into the darker undercurrents of your experience. You must use the safe and powerful parts of your self -the dry land or life raft so to speak - to navigate these darker waters, to recognize and honor them, and to remain buoyant when being pulled into their wake. Associated imagery, emotional themes, or beliefs may emerge at times alongside this pervasive sinking experience. You may wake from sleep with the heaviness of burdensome dreams. You may recognize loneliness or inadequacy you have carried a long time. Welcome them in, grant them a seat at your table, just not at the head.
You may be surprised to find deep wells of sadness in many forms underneath or alongside the physical sensations of your Mind Body Experience. Notice how your brain reacts to such states, either with threat and danger or shame and punishment. The brain’s reaction is shaped by how sadness is perceived in the mind - your belief center - and what these beliefs say about you as a person for having sadness. Does sadness bring shame? Isolation? Confusion? How was sadness talked about, if at all, when you were growing up? The more your early life caregivers were threatened by sadness, the more your brain likely learned to protect against it. The first step to moving through an experience is to recognize your relationship to it. Notice if you immediately let the sadness define you and drag you down into thoughts about failure, weakness, or “not good enough.” The beliefs shape your relationship to the sadness and, therefore, manifest your Mind Body Experience. Remind yourself that this is a perfectly okay experience to be having and, in fact, is a necessary process to welcome all of your parts, the light and the dark, into your being.
But what does it mean to welcome in the sadness? It does not mean you must sink down into states of despair or wallow in painful memories, which only leads to being swallowed up by the Mind Body Experience and succumbing to hopelessness. Welcoming in means acknowledging the presence of these experiences while continuing with practices that create space for power and safety alongside it. You may sit for a brief meditation and breathing exercise while focusing on your heart and setting the intention to move through and release the feelings that no longer serve you. You may do some gentle stretching or movement to go beneath the thinking mind and physically move energy through the body. You may write about the experience as it unfolds, but the voice of the writer must be one of support not of despair. The goal is to be with the part of you showing up, while calling on the courageous, powerful, and safe parts of your awareness to bolster you. Think of the powerful and safe parts of you like a life jacket keeping you afloat as you wade into murky waters and honor what requires your attention.
You may write down your reactions to the experience of sadness, such as,
“The sadness makes me feel: loneliness, longing, hopeless, and scared.”
You may also write down the beliefs that show up, such as,
“The sadness makes me believe I am weak and cannot succeed.”
By doing this, you bring the beliefs and emotions about the sadness front and center to be confronted because these are the barriers in your way. But you must also set supportive intentions around these beliefs and emotions so as to recognize that these old patterns no longer dictate who you are as you move toward the light. In response to the beliefs and emotions showing up, you may write,
“I am expansive and powerful enough to be with these old beliefs about sadness, they no longer define me. I am safe enough to be with whatever shows up and release what no longer serves me.”
You dance with your sadness in an ebb and flow, never remaining static. Stuckness comes only from resistance to the process. With a life jacket in place, you will always be moving through, never stuck for too long. If hopeless or helpless energy shows up, summon courage - all that you can muster - and continue on with some of these practices anyway. You can show yourself care and gentleness even when the belief and emotion energy feels like it’s sinking your body and mind. You are more powerful than you realize. There is no need to chase the fleeting images, emotional themes, or memories; no need to “figure out” your sadness. All you must do is ride it like a wave as it carries you to shore.